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Cap sur 2017

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HOLAAAAAAAAA LES GARS !!!

Premier article de 2017 avec mon dernier look shooté en 2016. Ma tenue de soirée préférée de la life : robe noire et oreilles de chat (la meuf est pas normale tsais…). Mes amis commencent à me connaître, ils ont l’habitude de me voir ouvrir la porte avec des oreilles de chat ou de toutes sortes d’animaux (ouais bon après je vous avoue que j’aime quand même conserver un petit côté sexy donc je ne m’aventure pas non plus à porter des oreilles d’éléphant…) (CHALLENGE ACCEPTED) (en 2017 on ose tout!) mais c’est vrai qu’au départ ça peut laisser perplexe. « Ah mais euh c’était une soirée déguisée ? » BAH NON JUSTE j’ai une passion tout à fait singulière pour les serres-tête bizarres et à défaut de pouvoir en porter dans la vie de tous les jours, j’en porte dans ma vie nocturne KESKIYAAAAA. Souvent, pour me sentir moins seule, j’apporte toute ma panoplie et j’oblige les autres à en porter. Quand je dis « j’oblige », c’est que je passe la soirée à gueuler comme une poissonière sur les gens avec mon verre de rouge à la main des trucs du genre « HEEEEEEY REMETS TON SERRE-TETE TOI!! HEY MAIS POURQUOI T’AS RETIRE TON SERRE-TÊTE !! PERSONNE NE SORT SANS SON SERRE-TÊTE » (oui je suis LA meuf relou en soirée) (KESKIYA?) (il en faut bien une hein…) (si vous ne voyez pas qui c’est dans vos soirées, c’est ce que c’est vous hein…)

BREF comme d’hab je raconte ma vie avant d’en venir à l’essentiel : BA LES GARS JE VOUS SOUHAITE UNE PUTAIN D’ANNEE 2017 DE FOLIE HEIN !!!! Et je vous avoue que oui, je suis tentée de vous faire la même blague que vous voyez partout sur tous les réseaux sociaux : HEY 2017 CA RIME AVEC QUEQUETTE CA RIME AVEC BRANLETTE CA VA ETRE UNE BONNE ANNEE HEIN. Sauf que sérieux, j’aimerais bien en 2017 être un peu plus raffinée que ça hein… DONC JE M’ABSTIENS. Moi je constate juste que ça rime avec « Raclette » et c’est la seule chose qui m’intéresse ♥

Je ne peux pas vous faire un article de bonne année sans un peu de psychologie de comptoir, de bilan de ma vie et de bonnes résolutions. Alors moi j’ai juste envie de vous dire que j’ai PAS de bonnes résolutions. J’ai pas envie de faire attention à ce que je bouffe parce que putain, mon fil rouge dans la vie, c’est la bouffe, pourquoi me rendre malheureuse alors que je peux simplement m’habiller en noir pour avoir l’air plus mince et mettre des collants gainants? HEIN? POURQUOI? Pourquoi arrêter de boire alors que c’est grâce à mes frasques quand je suis bourrée que les gens ne m’oublient jamais? (oui oui, difficile d’oublier une meuf qui t’insulte toute la soirée ou qui t’arrache ton verre des mains pour le boire cul-sec) Pourquoi faire du sport alors que je déteste ça et que la transpiration, ça gratte putain !? Bref, moi cette année, je ne prends pas de bonnes résolutions.

Je me fais juste la promesse de continuer à avancer sans jamais avoir de regrets (ou de remords?) (putain mais j’arrive jamais à faire la différence entre les deux !!) (j’ai quand même mon bac pourtant, je comprends pas…), de réaliser mes rêves, de me créer de nouveaux rêves, de kiffer chaque jour, d’arrêter de râler (LOL) (Vous êtes fous ou quoi ?)(JAMAIS, VOUS M’ENTENDEZ, JAMAIS !), de me sortir les doigts du cul pour faire en sorte que 2017 soit une année de DINGUE, d’essayer d’être un peu moins vulgaire quand j’écris des articles parce que c’est pas comme ça que je vais devenir la romancière de l’année hein. Bref, je sais pas vous, mais moi en 2017, JE VAIS TOUT DONNER et putain les gars, je vous jure que ça va être une année formidable.

Parce qu’en fait, moi, ça m’énerve tous les messages sur facebook du genre «J’espère que 2017 sera moins pourrie que 2016 blablabla ». Bah ?! QUI C’EST QUI DECIDE? C’EST QUI LE PATRON? C’est vous ! Et n’oubliez jamais cette citation d’un grand philosophe épicurien « YOLO » -> You only live once -> On ne vit qu’une fois ! Et si vous aviez pas compris le sens de la phrase, sérieux les gars, prenez des cours d’anglais, IT’S NEVER TOO LATE ! Et je sais très bien qu’en lisant mon article vous devez penser que je suis droguée, mais non, rappelez-vous : je suis juste folle. Folle de la vie, en fait. Folle de l’aventure. Folle dans l’âme. Folle, folle, folle. 

Et je vous souhaite à tous énormément de folie pour cette année 2017.

Sur ce, je vous laisse, c’est l’heure du premier apéro de 2017.

Je vous aime, cordialement.

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