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WORST PLACE EVER

Hola les gaaaaaaars,

Je vous écris ce petit article en direct du vol KL1418 pour Amsterdam où je vais devoir me taper une course contre la montre pour attraper ma correspondance pour Billund (Billund au Danemark) (évidemment)

Bref, en attendant, j’ai une heure et demi devant moi pour vous pondre cet article et vous avez du sans doute remarquer que les trains et les avions sont généralement les endroits qui m’inspirent le plus. Bah oui, les transports en commun, c’est cette fantastique opportunité de te retrouver coincée avec des inconnus pour une durée plus ou moins longue, moi qui adore les gens… Cela m’occasionne toujours un nombre incalculable de remarques dans ma tête et très généralement de grandes crises de nerfs.

Généralement dans le train je suis sereine, c’est assez spacieux, confortable, je mets ma musique je regarde la vie défiler et ça se passe sans trop d’encombres. Et au pire si vraiment je me retrouve avec des voisins relous, je me casse du wagon, je finis au wagon bar et je noie mon chagrin dans les mini bouteilles de vin. Mais alors putain l’avion, L’AVION, aucune échappatoire possible…me voici coincée entre deux personnes pour les deux prochaines heures, et là les gars, je peux vous dire, qu’à chaque instant, à chaque seconde, il faut faire des choix, il faut se battre. Surtout quand tu te retrouves dans le pire endroit du monde = LA PLACE DU MILIEU DANS LA RANGEE D’UN AVION. Ma pire phobie. Après les crevettes. Et la mort. Et l’infini. Quoique non, avant la mort et l’infini. Mais après les crevettes quand même.  Une personne à gauche, une personne à droite, seulement deux accoudoirs, LA GUERRE EST DECLAREE. Soit tu t’imposes dès le départ et tu plantes tes coudes sur les deux accoudoirs et TU NE BOUGES PLUS pendant deux heures. Soit c’est la guerre. Coups de coude, coups de couteau dans le dos, diversion, tout est permis et tout est possible pour récupérer le règne des accoudoirs. A l’heure où je parle, j’ai mes deux coudes bien tranquillement posés sur mes deux accoudoirs et je veille au grain de part et d’autre que personne ne vienne empiéter sur mon espace. Laissez-moi mes trente centimètres carré bordel !!!

Quand je pense que quand je vivais en couple je dormais dans un lit qui faisait 1m80 de large et que déjà ça me paraissait petit…j’ai l’impression à l’instant présent de partager mon lit avec deux inconnus. Sauf qu’il fait jour, que je suis assise, et que je suis dans un avion. MAIS JE TROUVE QUE MA COMPARAISON A BEAUCOUP DE SENS. ALORS LAISSEZ-MOI TRANQUILLE.

Vous allez dire que je me plains tout le temps, je sais. Mais alors en fait pas du tout. C’est juste que les petits tracas du quotidien m’inspirent plus à l’écriture que les grands bonheurs. Les grands bonheurs, je les garde pour moi, je m’enroule dedans comme dans un grand plaid (rempli de poils de chat…ouais…), je me les repasse en boucle dans ma tête le soir avant de dormir, bref, les grands bonheurs, je les vis, les petits tracas, je les écris. OK LES GARS ?

14h48, plus qu’une heure de vol. Mes deux coudes toujours sur les accoudoirs. Vous allez dire que je suis égoïste de pas vouloir partager mes accoudoirs. Mais NON, le mec à droite il a la fenêtre, la meuf à gauche elle a le couloir. Moi j’ai rien, à part mes accoudoirs. Et tant que je serai vivante, tant que mon souffle perdurera, tant que mon cœur battra, jamais, JAMAIS, je n’abandonnerai un seul centimètre carré de mes accoudoirs.

Je vous laisse, je dois fermer mon ordinateur et relever ma tablette parce que j’ai envie de croiser mes jambes. AH BA NON TU PEUX PAS FAIRE LES DEUX HEIN !

Je vous embrasse, et n’oubliez pas dans la vie de vous accouder dès que vous le pouvez !

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