Grossesse Parentalité

ANNONCE GROSSESSE : IDEES & CONSEILS

Comment ?

Annoncer ma grossesse, c’est un moment fort dont j’ai toujours rêvé. Après, dans la vie, tout ne se passe pas toujours comme prévu. Déjà, parce que bon, dans ta tête, tu vois souvent ça comme un moment de dingue avec limite des feux d’artifice, un lâcher de colombes et Beyonce qui arrive en chantant aux invités « I’m a pregnant lady » au lieu de « I’m a single lady ». Puis à un moment, tu redescends sur Terre et tu fais avec les moyens du bord. Il y a plein d’annonces que j’aimerais recommencer car elles n’ont pas été à la hauteur de mes attentes. Problème de timing, problème de distance…certaines fois je l’ai annoncé à mes proches par message ou par téléphone alors que j’aurais aimé faire les choses autrement. Mais le plus important, c’est l’émotion qui était présente à chaque fois, même sans colombes, même sans Beyonce.

Quand ?

Au feeling, les gars…pour moi c’était très dur d’attendre et de le cacher à mes proches (surtout que je crache jamais sur un bon verre de vin…). Je me suis un peu coupée les premières semaines pour éviter d’être repérée trop vite. Normalement, on dit qu’il faut attendre la première échographie, donc trois mois, pour l’annoncer. C’est à ce moment-là que le risque de fausse couche diminue considérablement. Avec Patrick, on l’a annoncé juste après deux mois. Un peu tôt certainement, mais on l’a fait au feeling et surtout, on l’a fait quand les occasions se sont présentées.

L’annonce aux futurs grands-parents

C’était très important pour moi de l’annoncer à mes parents car notre petite perruche est leur tout premier petit-enfant. Le premier dans la famille, c’est pas rien. Seulement voilà, mes parents habitent loin, je ne les vois pas souvent. Ils avaient prévu de venir passer le week-end à Lyon mais c’était encore un peu tôt dans ma grossesse (deux mois je crois). Sauf que c’était maintenant ou jamais, car sinon je ne les revoyais pas avant plusieurs mois et j’allais pas non plus attendre la veille de mon accouchement pour les prévenir. Nous sommes allés manger au restaurant tous les 4, avec Patrick (enfin, tous les 5) (faut que j’arrête avec cette blague c’est infernal) (dès que j’entre au restaurant et que le serveur dit « Deux personnes ? » je dis toujours « Oui, enfin, 2,5…hihihihihi ») (insupportable la meuf, t’as envie de lui foutre des briques dans la gueule) (pardon).

Difficile d’attendre le dessert pour sortir le dossier mais j’y arrive tant bien que mal. Youpi, mes parents qui me reprochent toujours de boire comme un trou ne remarquent même pas que je carbure au coca. Au dessert, je leur dis qu’on a un petit cadeau de Thaïlande qu’on avait oublié de leur donner. J’avais acheté à chacun un petit livre « Le guide du futur grand-père » et « Le guide de la future grand-mère ». Ma mère a un peu perdu ses moyens, c’était trop mignon, elle a sorti en criant : « Mais, mais, T’AS UN ENFANT ?! », comme si je leur annonçais qu’en fait j’avais un gamin de dix ans et que je l’avais caché depuis toutes ces années dans une grotte. Elle regarde Patrick, elle me regarde, elle regarde Patrick, elle dit « C’est vrai ? C’est pas vrai ? C’est vrai ? ». BAH OUI C’EST VRAI TU VAS ETRE MAMIIIIIIIIIE. Voilà, simple, efficace, mais pour moi c’était une jolie annonce.

L’annonce aux amis de Patrick

Gravée dans nos cœurs à jamaaaaaais. Clairement, avec Patrick, on est très fiers de cette annonce. La chance qu’on a eu, c’était qu’autour de mes deux mois et demi de grossesse, c’était l’anniversaire de Patrick. Donc c’était l’occasion idéale de réunir tout le monde au restaurant sans être grillés d’avance. Nous étions une vingtaine et personne ne se doutait du traquenard. Je m’étais lancée dans une véritable création artistique (en version cheap) la veille au soir, avec les moyens du bord. J’avais fait un petit montage Powerpoint que j’avais imprimé avec des photos de Patrick, moi et notre chat (oui c’est comme un fils, CA VA) et nos dates de naissance, et à la fin, l’échographie avec « Novembre 2019 » écrit à côté.   Bon, c’était fait la veille donc imprimé au bureau à l’arrache, découpé à l’arrache et assemblé avec un trombone. Si dans ma vie j’étais un peu plus organisée j’aurais pu faire quelque chose de vraiment joli en passant par un imprimeur, histoire que les gens n’aient pas honte de le mettre sur leur frigo… On a préparé autant d’enveloppes qu’il y avait d’invités et on a demandé au serveur de les distribuer en même temps que la petite coupette d’apéro, en disant que c’était une surprise de Patrick pour son anniversaire. Moi là j’ai mon petit cœur qui bat très fort parce que je sais que dans quelques secondes ils vont ouvrir l’enveloppe et qu’il va y’en avoir un qui va comprendre avant les autres et que paf, ça va lancer l’euphorie générale. Et que putain, je vais devoir me lever et faire 40 bises, cimer. Voilà, c’était tellement beau quand ils tous ouverts l’enveloppe, que j’ai vu chaque visage s’illuminer d’un joli sourire et que j’ai pu enfin refiler ma coupe de champagne à ma voisine (bon, pas celle d’en face, ni celle d’à côté, elles étaient enceintes aussi).

Les annonces WHAT THE FUCK ?

Y avait moins de mise en scène pour les autres annonces parce que forcément, une fois qu’une grande partie de nos amis étaient au courant, c’était important pour moi de pouvoir l’annoncer à tous nos proches, histoire qu’il n’y ait pas de fuites (LES FUITES URINAIRES C’EST PLUS TARD DANS LA GROSSESSE)(pardon). Donc les annonces se sont faites un peu comme on a pu, au fur et à mesure. Ma famille (tantes, cousins…) habite loin donc ça c’est fait par message. Pour plusieurs de mes amis, à ma plus grande tristesse, ça c’est fait aussi comme ça. L’annonce à la famille de Fabien s’est faite autour d’une pizza (sans œuf pour moi, of course) improvisée, Patrick l’a casé habilement dans la conversation, c’était pas très théâtral mais c’était très beau aussi et très émouvant, avec des petites larmichettes et probablement un peu de sauce bolo au coin de mes lèvres.

Mais je crois que j’ai trois annonces qui ont été particulièrement foirées et qui me font rire rien que d’y repenser :

L’annonce à ma sœur

Ma sœur habite à Paris, moi à Lyon, on ne se voit malheureusement pas souvent et une fois que la bombe était lancée auprès de mes parents, c’était plus qu’une question de jours : il fallait que je crache le morceau à ma sœur. J’avais prévu un truc mignon, je lui avais acheté un livre qui s’appelle « Tata » que je voulais lui envoyer avec une petite lettre. Sauf que j’ai reçu le livre beaucoup trop tard donc j’ai dû changer de stratégie. J’ai acheté des toutes petites chaussettes pour baby, que j’ai accompagnées d’une lettre, le tout dans une enveloppe, paf, envoi postal, merci, au revoir. Au bout de quelques jours, toujours aucune nouvelle de ma sœur. Je commence à me dire que si ça se trouve, elle est comme moi, et qu’elle ouvre sa boîte aux lettres qu’une fois tous les six mois. Donc au bout d’une semaine, je craque et je lui demande si elle n’a pas reçu un courrier de ma part parce que je lui avais envoyé un petit quelque chose. Déjà, l’effet de surprise était niqué. Puis elle n’a jamais reçu la lettre, et j’ai fini par la recevoir en retour à l’expéditeur, alors qu’il n’y avait absolument aucune erreur. Bref, gros fail, je me retrouve avec mes mini-chaussettes et j’ai fini par lui dire par texto. 

L’annonce à Laulau

Bon, Laulau, c’est mon amie de lycée, ma compagne de vadrouille et d’escapades en tout genre. En mai, nous avions prévu de partir toutes les deux au lac de Côme pour une petite virée pizza, lambrusco et coucher de soleil sur le lac entre filles. Mais problème, comme je vous l’ai expliqué dans mon premier article sur ma grossesse, mon placenta a décidé de me pourrir la vie dès le deuxième mois et de se décoller. Du coup, les premières semaines, vigilance extrême, je devais me ménager et éviter à tout prix la voiture. Donc les 6 heures de caisse pour partir à Côme, t’as compris qu’on oublie. Et je donne quoi comme excuse à ma pote Laulau pour annuler le voyage ? Pas le choix, je dois l’annoncer hyper tôt, par téléphone, entre deux bouchons sur l’autoroute.

-Bon, Laulau, faut que jte dise un truc.

-QUOI ? Tu vas pas me dire que t’es enceinte toi aussi ?

-Euh…bah, si.

-Mais…tu le gardes ?

Best. Réponse. Ever. Pour la petite histoire, une autre copine venait aussi de lui annoncer sa grossesse dans l’après-midi donc bon, deux annonces dans une journée, un lundi en plus, ça fait beaucoup pour commencer la semaine. JE me voyais déjà lui annoncer ma grossesse dans un restaurant au bord du lac de Côme, autour d’une assiette d’antipasti, sur un fond de Tiziano Ferro et finalement, ça s’est fait comme ça, au téléphone, sur l’autoroute A6, à la sortie 36.   

L’annonce à Clémentine

Je trépignais vraiment d’impatience de l’annoncer à mes amis. Chaque fois, la chance que j’avais, c’est qu’on se voyait avec Clem pour faire un combo McDo-ciné donc niveau alcool, j’étais pas grillée et j’ai pu attendre un peu avant de dévoiler ma grossesse. Avec Patrick, on ne savait pas trop comment on allait le sortir mais on s’est dit qu’on trouverait bien un moment dans la conversation. Déjà, on se disputait pour savoir qui allait cracher le truc. Je voulais que ça soit lui parce que je me sentais pas capable de le dire sans pleurer. Lui il voulait que ça soit moi. Bref, c’était déjà pas clair. Puis quand on est arrivés chez eux, je me suis pointée avec une bouteille d’oasis de deux litres à la main et dès que Clem a ouvert la porte, elle m’a dit « MAIS T’ES ENCEINTE OU QUOI ? ». L’avantage c’est que je suis tellement blanche dans la vie que quand je deviens toute blanche de honte ou de stress, ça se voit pas. Je nie gentiment mais je me sentais déjà trahie dans ma révélation. Puis à table, chaque fois qu’il y avait un bon moment pour le dire, je faisais les gros yeux à Patrick pour qu’il se lance. On devait penser que j’avais un truc dans l’œil ou une conjonctivite, je sais pas.

Le fil rouge avec mon entourage, c’est de parler de mon départ du travail, car j’avais l’intention de quitter mon boulot depuis un moment. Donc je saute sur cette occasion pour sortir finalement au milieu du repas « Ça y’est je sais quand je quitte mon boulot ». Sauf que je crois que j’ai dit ça à peu près cinquante fois depuis trois ans donc pour capter l’attention, c’était pas non plus la révélation ultime. Clem me dit « ah ouais ? quand ? » et j’ai répondu un truc du genre « en septembre, pour mon congé maternité ». En fait, elle a pas compris, je crois qu’elle a répondu « ah trop cool » puis qu’elle a continué à manger avant de relever la tête et de me dire quelques secondes plus tard « EUH KWA ? » . Y a eu un moment un peu gênant de flottement dans l’air, quelques secondes pendant lesquelles j’étais consciente que ma façon de l’annoncer était vraiment la plus pourrie de toute l’histoire de l’univers. Heureusement, j’ai pu me noyer dans l’oasis. Bon, après, on a pleuré et ça allait mieux.

Après Clémentine, il a fallu très vite que je l’annonce à Alicia pour éviter la gaffe ultime. Donc voilà, problème de timing, j’aurais aimé faire plus théâtral mais j’ai dû l’annoncer par message. J’ai accroché mon échographie sur le frigo, en écrivant dessus « Novembre 2019 » et je l’ai planquée au milieu de toutes les cartes postales et magnets. Je lui ai envoyé une photo de mon frigo en lui disant « DEVINE OÙ JE PARS EN VACANCES EN NOVEMBRE ». Je pensais qu’il y aurait un peu de suspens mais elle a trouvé tout de suite l’échographie et ce qui est bien sur l’iPhone, c’est que tu vois les trois petits points s’agiter pour montrer que la personne est en train d’écrire et quand tu fais une telle annonce, t’as l’impression que les petits points durent dix mille ans. Tous ces petits points étaient remplis d’émotion et d’amour et c’était beau, même à distance. Bon, c’était pour finir sur une note positive quand même parmi tous les autres fails.

Et puis finalement, le plus important, c’est que j’ai été inondée d’amour et très bien entourée pendant toute cette grossesse. Je crois qu’il n’y a que ça à retenir, le reste, on s’en fiche <3.

Idées en vrac pour annoncer sa grossesse à ses proches

Il y a plein d’autres petites idées que j’ai trouvées mais que je n’ai pas pu mettre en application. Peut-être pour le deuxième…

 

  • Les cartes à gratter : vous pouvez en trouver de nombreuses sur Etsy, à offrir au futur tonton ou papi par exemple. La personne doit gratter une case pour découvrir le message caché. 
  • L’annonce au micro : dans un avion, dans un train, dans un hall de gare…si vous avez un peu d’audace, profitez de l’occasion pour faire une annonce inoubliable en demandant au pilote, au conducteur ou au chef de gare de diffuser un message. Je ne peux pas vous garantir que ça marchera à tous les coups mais ça vaut le coup d’essayer ! « HEY TOI  AVEC TON TRENCH BLEU ET TON ECHARPE ROUGE, OUAIS TOI, TU VAS ETRE GRAND MEEEEEERE. LE TRAIN ANNONCÉ VOIE B VA ENTRER EN GARE. FELICITATIONS MAMIE ! ».
  • La photo de l’échographie : un grand classique, à glisser dans une enveloppe ou dans un cadeau que vous offrez à un proche.

 

  • Le fruit : préparez un petit paquet en mettant dedans un petit fruit ou aliment qui a la même taille que votre bébé au moment de l’annonce. Un grain de riz, une lentille, un raisin, selon le nombre de semaines. Accompagnez le paquet d’un petit message qui indique « Ton futur petit-enfant/neveu/filleul…est aussi grand que… »

 

  • Les fortune cookies : comme dans les fiiiiiilms. Si vous tapez « fortune cookie grossesse » sur Google vous trouverez pas mal de sites pour en acheter et faire sensation. C’est une bonne idée pour l’annoncer aux copains ou à toute la famille. En espérant qu’il y ait pas un relou dans le lot qui vous sorte « oh non je suis au régime pas de biscuit, merci ».

 

  • Le puzzle : à retrouver aussi sur Etsy, c’est ce que j’ai choisi pour « faire une demande » à la future marraine. C’est livré dans un joli petit sachet et vous pouvez personnaliser le message. La personne qui l’ouvre doit alors faire le puzzle pour lire le message.

 

  • Le ballon : faire envoyer un colis avec un ballon personnalisé. Soit le ballon est livré déjà gonflé et surprend la personne qui ouvre le carton, soit il s’agit d’un ballon à gonfler avec une petite carte pour indiquer au destinataire de le gonfler pour découvrir le message.

 

  • Le gâteau : l’annonce gourmaaaaaande avec un joli message sur le gâteau. Mais il faudra attendre jusqu’au dessert, les gars…

Je vous prépare un deuxième article pour ce qui est de l’annonce officielle, au niveau de l’employeur, de la CAF, de l’assurance maladie etc… TROP MARRANT COMME SUJET ! Ouais les gars sorry mais à un moment faut parler un peu sérieusement hein. Je vous poste ça très vite et si vous avez des questions à ce sujet n’hésitez pas.

Si vous avez des petites anecdotes d’annonces de grossesse n’hésitez pas à me les partager, j’ai trop envie de connaître les vôtres !

BISOUS  

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4 727 Comments

  1. J’ai beaucoup trop rigolé et j’ai eu des frissons pour l’annonce aux amis de Patrick … tellement chouuuuu <3
    (d'ailleurs Tif est en face de moi et elle m'a confirmée que c'était trop bien comme annonce hihi 🙂 )

    1. haha 🙂 oui c’était tellement beau ohlala j’oublierai jamais ce moment <3
      des bisous

  2. J’ai beaucoup trop rigolé et j’ai eu des frissons pour l’annonce aux amis de Patrick … tellement chouuuuu <3
    (d'ailleurs Tif est en face de moi et elle m'a confirmée que c'était trop bien comme annonce hihi 🙂 )

  3. J’ai beaucoup trop rigolé et j’ai eu des frissons pour l’annonce aux amis de Patrick … tellement chouuuuu <3
    (d'ailleurs Tif est en face de moi et elle m'a confirmée que c'était trop bien comme annonce hihi 🙂 )

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